My first STD was from a foam party
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
