Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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