Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
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