I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
