Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
