Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
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