singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
i out mim tonsoeep
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
