I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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