I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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