We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
