how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
vagina is talking i cant
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
