if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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