The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
