It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I just had sex on a roof
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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