Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
