How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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