proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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