I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
