i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
