If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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