Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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