Need sex. Gaining weight.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
