We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
