Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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