Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
