we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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