So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
