I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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