Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
