i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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