I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I am mentally ready for anal.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
