weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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