Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
