My nipple is on Facebook.
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
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