Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
