So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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