This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
