I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
