i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
