So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
