just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
