Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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