How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
