i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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