they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
