She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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