You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
