My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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