LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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