I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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