and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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